Keep Me Sane
by Shizume Rikka
Summary: Orihara Izaya is a problem child at a very young age. Therefore he was put in an asylum. Izaya doesn't particularly care if he's put in one or not, as long as he's able to keep sane. And only Heiwajima Shizuo can help him. The only problem is why is Izaya in an asylum? Because he kills, he kills for fun. Why does he kill? Because he loves humans. . .
1. Assigned

**FLASHBACK:**

_Izaya, t-there's something wrong with that child..._

**PRESENT TIME:**

I was starting my new job at an asylum today. Tom-san said it would be good for me. Ever since I got fired from being a bartender, Tom-san just keeps on giving me application forms for different jobs. I still work as a bodyguard for him though, but he told me to find a job to fill up my free time.

The applications just kept on piling at one point so I just chose a random one from the batch and filled it out. Apparently, I just happened to choose to be a ward for some patient at an asylum. _Great_, taking care of someone isn't exactly one of my strengths. _Let's just see who I'll get paired up with._

I awkwardly open the entrance door to the asylum, inside I see workers and patients, both got along quiet well. A guy that looked like he was in his late 50's came up to me and greeted me.

"Hello!" He said in a cheery voice.

"Are you the director- er boss or something like that?" I tilted my head.

He gave a lighthearted chuckle, "Yes I am, you can call me Mr. K, and you must be Heiwajima Shizuo."

I nodded my head in approval.

"Well come this way, I'll show you to the interview room," Mr K. lead me to a door.

We go inside and I take my sunglasses off. I sat on an orange plastic chair. Mr K. passed by a desk and sat on a much comfier looking chair. He leaned on the chair, crossed his legs and linked his hands together.

"Can you tell me little about yourself?" He questioned.

"I am Heiwajima Shizuo, you can call me whatever, I have _superhuman_ strength. I have a younger brother who works as an actor, but is incapable of human emotions. I work as a bodyguard for a tax collector, but I used to work as a bartender before."

"And why did you want to work here?"

"I didn't, I just happened to picked to work in an asylum by chance."

"Well to me, this is faith."

"Eh?"

"I think I have just the right person you can take care of!"

Mr. K sat up straighter and struggled to reach a file cabinet. I don't blame him, he was a foot and a half shorter than me, and from the looks of it, he doesn't do too much exercise. He finally opens it and takes a file out. He lays it flat on the desk and opens it, the file was overfilled with massive amounts of paper. Each paper either had stuff highlighted or had a sticky note on, or both. From the top right corner, a picture held by a paperclip was attached there.

"This is Orihara Izaya," Mr. K pointed at the picture, "From what I read from your application form I think he's the same age as you."

I examined the picture, this guy had raven black hair and very light skin. His eyes were sharp, but he smiled smugly in the picture.

"As you can tell, he's quite a problem," Mr. K spread his arms out and shrugged.

"Uhh yeah," I responded.

"You see, Orihara-san started killing at a young age," he sighs with a distressed face.

I panicked a little, well, maybe a lot. _Was I supposed to be taking care of a murderer?_

"Dont worry though, he hasn't suffered from abuse or anything," he assured me.

_Was that supposed to make me feel better? _I just wanted to know if I'd be safe if I worked with him, well considering the fact that I have survived every injury I've taken in as a child, it won't make a big difference. But it'd be a pain to come home and treat the cuts and scars if Orihara-san were to injure me.

"Go on," I tell Mr. K.

"Well there's someone close with Orihara-san and his name is Shinra-san, he's the one responsible for putting Orihara-san in an asylum."

"Ok," I hesitantly said.

"I'll just give you a bit more background information on Orihara-san. He has a personality of a 5 year old, but when it came to killing, he'd turn as a different person. He'd remove unnecessary emotions to make killing easier for him. But he's actually very intellect, we took him in at age 9 and we gave him classes to attend at the asylum. He's always scored 100% on everything, or above, it isn't even logical to score more that 100%, but that's how intelligent he was."

"Can you tell me anything about how he acts with other people?"

"He's always a calm and happy person, but Orihara-san made his other supervisors uncomfortable because he had a strange aura radiate from him. His aura felt like he always had murderous intention, that's why he chased away his supervisors. There are times when Orihara-san just breaks down, whenever that happens we have a very strict way on how we handle it and we make sure no one gets hurt. It's just, something switches off in his brain, making him change his way if thinking. And when that happens, to him, he thinks that the way to live in this world is kill to survive or survive to kill, either way he hurts a living thing, and he hurts himself too. To be honest, I think he always has that part of him inside his brain somewhere, but never fully shows it when he isn't in his breaking down state."

"So why would you want me to take care of him?"

"Because you have a completely different personality from him, I guess opposites attract and maybe you can..." Mr. K's voice trails off.

"Maybe I can what?"

"Orihara-san doesn't particularly care if he's put in an asylum or not, just as long as he keeps sane. We make sure not to let him run his mind off and be able to insanely kill people like madmen. So I thought maybe you can help us keep him in a reasonable state or even cure him," he explains.

"Well," I stand up, "Can I meet him?"

"Are you willing to do the job?"

"Yeah, I'm down with that," I agree without thinking twice on what kind of shit I was getting into.

Mr. K shines with relief and quickly motions me to the door so I can meet him. We passed the halls and walked to a door that had the number 13 nailed onto. Mr. K cautiously turns the knob and the door creaks open.

"O-Orihara-san?" He nervously whispers.

"Yeah?" someone says from inside the room.

The room was practically empty, just a bed on the side and a desk on the corner, there was also a window in front of the desk. I see Orihara-san kicking his legs under his desk, his back turned away from us.

"What are you doing?" Mr. K asks as we walked inside.

"I just found a butterfly roaming around outside so I opened my window and caught it, right now I'm dissecting it," he excitedly says.

We loom over his shoulder and I see an already dead butterfly pinned on the desk, Orihara-san's fingers were stained with blood. I see him tinkering inside the butterfly's body a bit more with a scalpel.

"Where did you get that?" Mr. K asks.

"From the nurse's room," Orihara-san says without looking at us.

"I told you not to get things such as scalpels from there without permission," Mr K. chastises.

"Alright," Orihara-san sighs.

"Well wash up now because I have a new supervisor you're assigned to," Mr. K points out.

Orihara-san turns around and his eyes widen with joy.

"This is Heiwajima Shizuo, treat him nicely," Mr. K introduces me.

I studied his taste of clothing, he wore a light grey long-sleeve with black sweats and dark grey socks. Orihara-san sprints out of the door without saying anything.

"He's just going to the washroom," Mr. K informs, "Well. I'll give you guys some space."

Mr. K walks out and I see Orihara-san dash back inside, closing the door. He holds my arm and pulls me to the middle of the room.

Orihara-san points to the floor, "Sit!"

"What?"

"I said sit dammit!" he ordered me.

Putting my hands up in surrender I sit on the floor, just like he said, he jumps on his bed and observes me from that view.

"Hmmm..." Orihara-san scratched his chin.

I confusingly look at him. _What is he trying to do?_

"Sh-Shi-Shi- Ah! I got it! It'll be Shizu!" He grins.

"Eh?" I annoyingly tilted my head.

"Shizu-chan! Your new nickname!" He beams at the new founded name.

"So then, what do I call you?" I unenthusiastically slouched.

"Easy," he smirked and pointed at himself, "Just call me Izaya."


	2. Alarmed

_Hmmm so it's Izaya, that's the name I can call him, but what the fuck is Shizu-chan?!_ I guess it can't be helped, I need to get friendly with my patient, even if means having an irritating nickname.

I was walking back home to my rundown apartment. But before I went there I was thinking that I should buy Izaya something for tomorrow. I stopped by the cake store and picked out one of my favorites, strawberry cheesecake, I just hope Izaya likes this one too.

I walk to the asylum at 6 o'clock in the morning, it's a further location in the outskirts of Ikebukuro, the asylum needed to be isolated from the rest. It took at least 2 hours if I just walk, if I sprinted, it'd take me about 30 minutes and if I jogged, it'd take me close to 1 hour. But this was just an estimate considering my speed, I wasn't really good at math back at high school, nor did I have any friends.

I went through the back door because Mr. K told me it was where employees enter now. I went inside and went to my locker. Inside it, Mr. K neatly placed my new uniform in a paper bag. I quickly undress and wore the scrubs. I threw my clothes inside the locker, without folding it, and got the bag that contained the cheesecake.

I went to Izaya's room and quietly knocked on the door. Izaya opens it slowly and once he noticed it was me he slammed the door open.

"Shizu-chan!" He jumped at me and hugged me.

"O-Oi! Get inside, we're attracting an audience," I look around at the people who was staring in surprise.

Izaya follows my orders and I walk behind him, closing the door shut.

"So Shizu-chan, why are you back?" He put his hands on his hips and smiled.

"I now work here, don't you remember what happened yesterday... stupid," I flicked his forehead.

"That hurts!" He made a kissy face and rubbed his forehead.

"Anyways, I brought you strawberry cheesecake," I handed Izaya the bag,

He takes the bag and takes a peek inside, he looked up at me with his eyes shining, He had drool coming from the side of his mouth and he gave me a thumbs up in approval.

"Thanks Shizu-chan, I love you~!" Izaya jumps on my back and I quickly hold onto him, making sure he wouldn't fall.

"Don't say stuff like love to someone you met just a day ago," I scolded him.

"I want to eat outside!" He declares, ignoring what I just said.

"Are you sure you're allowed to go outside?"

"Of course! I'm just forbidden to interact with my fellow patients."

"Some strict rules you have there."

"Hmmm, doesn't affect me at all though."

I finally agree and I carefully let him down from my back.

"Wait- No!," Izaya stutters, I paused midway, "Carry me!"

I sigh and I hold him on my back again. I opened the door and we went to the courtyard, other workers and patients were there, some looked at us confusingly, but then went back to what they were doing. Izaya points me over to a bench beside a tree. The bench was worn out, the paint was chipped away and I'm not sure if it was stable enough to hold the both of us. I looked around, the other benches were well taken care of.

"Are you sure you want to sit on this bench?"

"Yea, this is my bench, I'm only allowed to sit on this bench," he smiles sadly at me.

I sit down, but Izaya remained standing, he hopped to the tree and carved something on the trunk.

"What're you doing," I walked up to him.

I examined what he was doing and he carved " I + S = 3 " with his fingernails.

"Who's the 'I'?" I asked.

"Me."

"Then who's the 'S'?"

"Shizu-chan."

"Oi!" I pinched his cheeks and led him to the bench.

"It's just a simple carving," he complained.

"Yeah right."

Izaya opens the bag and takes out the cheesecake, he unwraps the film and starts eating it. I suddenly remembered that we didn't have breakfast yet. I facepalmed my forehead at my rapid failure as a supervisor. _What kind of caretaker gives their patient dessert before breakfast?_ Just then, my stomach starts growling.

Izaya chuckles, "Are you hungry?"

"No," I lied.

Izaya scoops a piece of cheesecake with his spoon and leaned towards me, making airplane sounds.

"The fuck?" I disgustingly mumbled.

"I'm feeding you~" he said in a singsong voice.

I open my mouth, but he turns the spoon around and puts the cheesecake in his mouth instead.

"You damn flea!" I pulled him into a loose headlock.

Izaya chortled lightheartedly.

"Izaya," Mr. K calls out, "You have visitor."

Someone steps outside and waves at Izaya. He had shoulder length brown hair, glasses and a lab coat. I turn over at Izaya who just stares at him. Seconds passed and Izaya dashes at the four-eyes.

"Shinra! Shinra! Shinra!" Izaya repeatedly said the guy's name in amusement.

It looked like Izaya was going to give him a hug, but he unexpectedly kicks the guy at the side of his ribcage. I stand up and run over to restrain Izaya from injuring the guy any further.

"It's- ok," the guy assures me while holding his side, gasping for air a couple of times.

He straightens up and pats Izaya on the head. It looks like Izaya and the guy were comfortable with this routine because Izaya gives him a peace sign. There was a strange feeling lingering inside of me when the guy touched Izaya, I felt kind of annoyed.

"You know I can't cook so I brought you a substitute for breakfast," the guy hands him a basket full of fruits.

Izaya happily takes it from him and pranced back on the bench.

"You must be the new caretaker for Izaya, I'm Shinra," he held out his hand.

I take his hand a shake it, "I'm Shizu-chan- I mean Shizuo."

"Thanks for going through the trouble of taking care of him, believe me, I would be his caretaker but I'm an underground doctor, so if you run into any trouble just call me!" He winks.

_So he's the guy who put Izaya in this asylum._

"Shinra you jerk! Stop hogging Shizu-chan! Bastard! Nerd! Four-eyes!" Izaya yells out loud.

Shinra gives me a little push, motioning me to go back to Izaya.

"Any last insults before I leave?" Shinra suggested.

Before I could sit down on the bench, Izaya opened his mouth to say something.

"Fuck you!" Izaya grins with pleasure at Shinra while giving him the middle finger.

I sigh and Shinra waves back at Izaya hesitantly. I tell Izaya that we should head inside again and he agrees. Izaya gleefully skips the hall, but before we could reach his room, Izaya's legs wobbled and he fell on the ground.

"Izaya! Are you ok?!" I panicked.

I knelt beside him and let his head lie on my chest.

"Just a little anemia," Izaya weakly smiles.

_Liar, you've turned pale in less than a second._

"H-He's going through it a-again," Mr. K points out in fright.

"Going through what?" I asked curiously.

"The breakdown..."


	3. Further

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

"W-What do you mean by 'breakdown?!' Wasn't this just simple anemia?" I shouted, infuriated on how I didn't notice earlier.

"Don't worry," Mr. K assured me, "I told you we have an important procedure that we follow each time this happens."

"Each time," I snapped back to my senses, "How much times has this happened?"

"To be exact, 257 times, now it's 258," he sighed heavily with grief, "And over 200 people have been injured by him and in the worse cases, they even get killed.

_Izaya has done that?! That's ridiculous, sure he may not be right in the head, but if he's able to smile after every single person he's killed then is his personality a facade? A mask to cover up the truth?_ I clenched my fist and look down at Izaya who's head has been lying on my lap, right now he looks vulnerable, not able to do a single thing.

Mr. K tells me his plan, "We have to go in lockdown now! And to give you the heads up, metal walls will slide down from the outside to protect everyone inside. Only Orihara-san's room is left wide open, his room won't be shielded with metal so that means his window is fully in view. So if we were to chase him down to his room, he'll try to escape from the window and that's where we'll trap him. Then another set of guards will be outside to get him."

"But we don't need to lockdown," I hissed.

"Oh and another thing, this place will get dark soon, emergency lights will turn on, but they're dim. If we lockdown during the day, Orihara-san's room is the only place that has light," he looks at his watch, ignoring my previous comment.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I'll need to alert everyone or else we'll be too late," Mr. K walked closer to the wall where a red button has been placed. It was guarded with a clear plastic cover and Mr. K took out a set of keys to open it.

"What're you gonna do?"

"We might... No- if he gets uncontrollable..." Mr. K was hesitant, "We'll have to put him down."

"H-How about another way?!" I barked at him, "If you ever try to hurt Izaya by force then I won't tolerate it."

"There's no other way, I'm sorry," Mr. K looks at me apologetically, "We'll find you a new partner to take care of."

_**(Izaya's POV)**_

Everything is changing, my eyes are getting covered up in darkness. I can't hear what the outside world is saying, only muffled voiced echoed throughout my ears. The only sound I can hear were the echoes inside my world, they were the sounds of children's laughter and screams. I knew very well that the _other me_ was coming, it was coming to get me. Yet I tried so hard to lock away the _other me_ inside my heart.

I glance helplessly at Shizu-chan and Mr. K. Shizu-chan was shouting something at Mr. K, but I can't quite make out what he was saying. Mr. K presses a button on the wall to make an announcement. The lights shutdown and the emergency lights go on, the red lights flash on and off.

It blinded me, but the sight of red made me think of blood. _Blood? That's funny, why would I think of blood right now?_ Other workers dragged their patients into each room until Shizu-chan, Mr. K, and I were only left.

_Why was everybody panicking? I wasn't going to hurt them or anything, that would be stupid! _Just then, something switched off in my mind. My blood was pumping, I was full of energy, my heart was pounding with excitement. I wanted... I wanted to _kill_...

I don't know what's going on, something fled into my soul. I pushed Shizu-chan out of the way and I rushed to get up. Other workers, special workers I've seen each time I 'broke down,' appeared from the end of the hall. They were sprinting to me at full speed. Shizu-chan gets up and tries to walk over to me. I take a knife from under my shoe and twirled it around, everyone, including Shizu-chan, stopped dead in their tracks.

"One more move and we'll play the game of predator and prey," I grinned at them.

Everybody was struck with horror in their eyes, except for Shizu-chan. Did my words not affect him like the others? There really is something unique with him ever since I've locked eyes on him.

I sensed someone trying to catch me off guard from behind. _Heh, this is gonna be fun._ I swiftly turn around and see one of my previous workers trying to punch me. I dodge his weak-ass punch and stab him on the left shoulder, I take the knife out and blood drips all over the floor. My precious knife was now stained with the blood of a worthless worker, disgusting.

Shizu-chan takes a step, but freezes, regretting he ever made a move. I flinch at his sudden movement, so I ignored it and pointed my blade at another random worker.

"So does anyone want to see where my knife will end up next?" I taunted them with a smirk.

Even if someone did try to say something, their voices will go in one ear and out from the other. There was no use for them to try to communicate with me. It's hopeless. The _other me_ was fully possessing my body.

_I can't be stopped now._

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

What's happening to Izaya? His personality changed from being an over the top bubbly person to a psycho killing maniac. _Dammit! I can't do anything in this situation!_ The emergency lights suddenly powered down by itself and just before it was completely pitch dark, I grabbed hold of Izaya's hand.

Still clinging to Izaya's hand, I hurriedly walk to Izaya's room with the wall acting as my guide. I felt a doorknob and glided my fingers higher. I traced the numbers nailed onto the door and I felt the number 13 on the door, it's Izaya's room. Thankfully, it was unlocked, I opened the door and a ray of brightness blinds me for a second. I pushed Izaya in the room and slammed the door shut, making sure it was locked. I turn around only to see Izaya throwing a pair of scissors at me, I dodged it just in time and went into a defensive stance.

"Don't try anything weird," I slowly stepped forward to him.

"Shizu-chan..." He looked sadly at me, "I can't think at all, the thought of killing has been on my mind ever since."

"We can try to figure this out."

"I'm afraid I can't understand what you're saying. Any who, I have to kill you now, it's been nice knowing you," he gives me a menacing smile.

He dashes towards me and strikes his knife to my chest. I barely dodged it just in time and grab hold of his right wrist. I fling the sharp object out of his grip, leaving a cut on the side of my hand. I hold his other wrist and pinned him down on the floor.

This was the first time that I noticed how slim his wrists were. I could barely grip onto his wrists without letting him slip away. I stared at Izaya's eyes, they weren't soulless or full of bloodlust, they were just eyes. But those same blood-coloured eyes gave me a cold shiver down my spine.

_**(Izaya's POV)**_

Even if you force me to back down, I still can't hear a single word you say Shizu-chan. Do you know how frustrated I am to not understand what you're saying or doing? _I don't care anymore. _Shizu-chan's the only person I trusted in less than 5 seconds since we first met. So if he can't invade into my world and knock me back to my right mind then what's there to hope for? I might as well let the whole darkness eat up my whole body.

Tears start to blur my eyes, aggravated at my poor state, I gritted my teeth. I want to say something to Shizu-chan, but my voice always falls flat.

_I've had it! Why live if I'm not in my sane mind._

"Shizu-chan..." I mouthed.

"What is it?" His voice was faint, but I could hear it.

I widen my eyes, my sense of hearing was steadily coming back to me.

"Just... Just kill me," I croaked out, giving him a Cheshire Cat smile.

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

I was enraged by his sudden request. How selfish could he be, first he breaks down and injures a person, now he wants to die?!

I realized I wasn't mad at how selfish he was, but on how he didn't treasure his life enough to make him want to die. I noticed how attached I became with this brat ever since we met. It hasn't even been a full week, but I felt like we've known each other since forever. We just clicked, we've bonded without barely getting to know each other, but now he wants to disappear.

I tighten my grip on his wrists, "Why would I do that?!" I furiously yelled.

Izaya's made a pained face, "Well then... Do you have another way?"

"N... No," I said in disappointment.

"W-Well, if you can keep my mind from going further into the cluster of darkness, then maybe I'd change my mind about dying. Just... Just help me, don't let my mind drift further into insanity."

"H-How do I do that?"

A single tear fell from the corner of Izaya's eye, he gives me an unconvinced smile, "Surprise me."

I was uncertain on what I was gonna do next, but it didn't hurt to at least try.

"Ok then..." I leaned in closer to his face.


	4. Magical

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

Our faces were inches apart from each others. Izaya's raven-black hair dangled in front of his eyes making it difficult for me to know if he was closing his eyes or not. Izaya was trembling. I'm not sure if I should go ahead and kiss him or not. But I can't resist myself from doing it any longer. It's not even a week and here I am, trying to make a move with the person I'm supposed to be supervising. Besides, it's just gonna be a useless kiss, there was no significance behind it. This is purely for work use only. There's no point in waiting any further, I lean in.

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

Shizu-chan was so close to me that I could feel and hear his breath. _Shit! I'm going to lose my mind_. Just then, the door bursts open and Shizu-chan quickly backs away from me and stands up. The person at the door was Mr. K, Shizu-chan holds out his hand to help me off the floor and I reluctantly accept.

"There you guys are," Mr. K says in short breaths, "C'mon Shizuo-san, slowly get away from Orihara-san and we can discuss this."

I click my tongue, but I don't complain. Shizu-chan stands still and I look up at him.

"Give me half an hour, we still have a chance to help Izaya from breaking down any further," Shizu-chan declares with determination.

_Eh? Shizu-chan this is your chance to escape from me, what're you doing idiot?!_

Mr. K gives an exasperated smile, "G-Go ahead."

He leaves us alone without closing the door. Shizu-chan starts walking to the doorway and I follow.

"We should leave now," Shizu-chan informs me.

I stop my tracks and squeeze my fists. Shizu-chan notices that I'm not moving and walks back to me.

"What's the matter," he tilts his head.

"W-We're not g-going to do that?" I stutter in disappointment.

"Do what?"

"You know, k-kissing..." My voice grew faint at the last part.

Shizu-chan goes quiet for a few seconds then knocks the door close and pins me to the wall. He grips both of my wrists and place them above my head.

"Even if I were to kiss you, you know that there's no importance of it," he says with a grim look.

He looks straight in my eyes and I turn red, "O-Of course! I already knew that."

"Then do you still want to try?" He smirks and leans closer.

"N-No way!" I release from his grip and push him back.

His eyes widen. I clench my teeth and slam the door open. I turn back to look at Shizu-chan and run into the dark hallway. It's no doubt that he wouldn't know my true feelings, but toying around with me like that is painful.

I put my hand on my heart as I jogged in the hall, it was rapidly beating, I'm sure everyone could've heard it if they were in my range.

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

I stand there speechless. To think that Izaya would be able to show that kind of expression. He looked so hurt when he looked back at me. It was excruciating to watch him leave like that. I think twice on whether I should go after him or if it was for the best and let him leave.

I tighten my fists, of course I'd never leave him alone. I walk out the door. It was pitch black except for the light that produced from Izaya's room.

After minutes of running around in the halls , I see a figure huddled in a corner. The figure sniffled occasionally and I walk closer.

"Izaya," I whisper.

The figure freezes, not making a sound. I put my hand on his shoulder and he pulls away. I go onto my knees and hug him from behind. He had a sweet scent emitting off of him, but it was no time to think for that.

I rest my chin on his shoulder and say, "Sorry."

There was no response from Izaya.

"Idiot..." His voice was inaudible.

"Eh?"

"I said idiot! I hate you! I hate YOU! I HATE YOU!" Izaya struggles to get out of my grasp.

He continuously says the same three words and it echoes throughout the halls. I help him up and lead him back to his room. I close the door once we get in and make sure it's locked. I turn and look at Izaya who's still mumbling the same words over and over again.

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

_Why? Why, why, why, why, why?! It's too cruel! Why do I love someone like you Shizu-chan?! Why did you have to go after me? I was simply fine being alone. But now I have to suck it up and look at Shizu-chan without getting hurt emotionally. _

I glance a look at Shizu-chan and I see him trying to say something, but I can't hear a word he says.

_Shit! I'm breaking down again. Two breakdowns in a day, what a record. It's okay, I don't want to live in this world anymore, I've said this once and I'll say it again, "what's the point without Shizu-chan?"_

Tears well up in my eyes and blocks my vision, it was now blurry. I wipe my tears on my sleeve and look away from him.

_Where the heck is the other side of me when you need it. Hurry up and kill him, that's what you wanted, right? So where the hell are you hiding?!_ I stare at Shizu-chan with a bloodthirsty look in my eyes.

_I hate you!- But I love you! The fuck is it with me? My feelings are mixed up._

"No one's here for you, no one loves you..." a voice floats around in my ears.

I chuckle without a sound. _Haha, just shut up._

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

"Izaya," I call out to him.

He paid no attention to me, he blocked out all words that I said and continues to mutter.

"Izaya, I can't-!" My voice cracks and I clear my throat, "I can't kiss you so casually!"

He looks at me with wide eyes.

"Say that from the beginning," he falls weakly on the floor.

Izaya hugs his knees and starts to weep quietly. I go in front of him and kneel down. I held his chin up so we were looking at one another in the eyes.

"But since you're breaking down, I have no excuse whatsoever," I lean closer to him without hesitation.

"Eh?-" I cut Izaya's words off.

Our lips touched, his lips were soft. I'm sure that this kiss has at least "some" meaning behind it. It was a kiss that I couldn't describe, it was magical even though I didn't believe in magic. I evaded his mouth by adding my tongue in it. We play around trying to see who had more dominance in this kiss. Izaya's face was hot as the sun and we part lips.

"T-Take it easy!" Izaya staggers, "This is m-my first k-kiss!"

"Ehhh? Is that so?"

Our foreheads touched and I give him a sly smile making his face go even redder.

"Well then, itadakimasu _(thank you for the meal)_," I teased him.

"S-Stupid," he cups my cheeks in his hands and he warm-heartedly smiles at me.

This time it causes my face to go red.

"So even Shizu-chan can blush," he laughs.

I blush even wilder, "Well it's only because of you!"


	5. Time

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

It's been days since I've last seen Izaya after the breakdown... and the kiss. Izaya's going under special training for the next few weeks. I'm only able to visit him twice a week which is not enough. So while he's at rehab, I decided to buy him his favourite chocolate. And it's not that cheap.

This was an unfaithful day, right after I got hold of enough money to buy Izaya chocolates. It wasn't even a week since the breakdown, I haven't even visited Izaya yet. But then, Mr. K. called in to tell me something.

"H-Hello."

"Mr. K? Is something wrong?"

"Actually... It'll take more than just mere weeks till you get back to your regular working schedule. Izaya still needs time."

"But I thought!-"

"So it might be a few more months, oh and I forgot to mention that you won't be able to visit him anymore till he's back! Don't worry! You still have full pay. Bye!" Mr. K. hangs up.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Confusion wells up my body and I can't let go of this feeling that maybe this seems a bit odd. Me not being able to see Izaya for more than a month is dreading. Especially since I haven't been able to talk properly to him after we've kissed. If I can't talk to Izaya, I'll go all old-school and write him letters, he can't be forbidden to doing that.

Ever since the kiss, I've been experiencing different kinds of emotions that I never knew existed. I put my cellphone in my pocket and start thinking about what I should write for Izaya.

I nervously stand at the outside of the asylum. I walk in circles with the letter I wrote close to my chest. I feel like some big loser getting ready to confess to their crush or something. I pinch myself and I go inside the building all flustered.

I look around and I see Mr. K. talking all jolly with one of the workers. I appear from behind him and he flinches once he noticed me.

"S-Shizuo-san?!" He exclaims.

"Yo, um- I won't stay long," I start to walk towards Izaya's room.

"W-Wait!" Mr. K. grabs hold of my arm, "Orihara-san can't be bothered now, is there anything that you need to pass down to him?"

I feel the tip of my ears burning and I start to ask him for a favour, "Actually, there is, can you give this letter to him?"

Mr. K. smiles, "Ahhh youth!"

"P-Pardon?"

"Nevermind," he waves me off, "I'll be sure to give him this."

"Thanks," I felt relieved, "I'll be going now."

_**(Izaya's POV)**_

I peeked in the little crack of light that my boarded up window provided. _Is that Shizu-chan I see?_ I duck low so I wouldn't be seen. I see him hand a letter to Mr. K. and waves at him. Mr. K. happily waves back and once Shizu-chan leaves, Mr. K. took one look at the letter and rips it into half. He tosses it onto the side and starts walking off.

I wonder what was in that letter. And why was Shizu-chan here? I want to call out to him and plead for help. But I don't want him to see me in this pathetic state. My wrists and ankles were bounded with rope after all.

_**(Unrevealed POV)**_

I open Izaya's door and I see him shiver at my sudden movement. I close the door, making sure it was locked and slowly walked towards him.

"Izaaaaaaya," I patted his head.

"W-What is it?" He whispers.

"Eh?... That's too quiet..." I caressed his cheek, "I can't fucking hear you! You scoundrel!" I kick him on his side.

There was no reaction to Izaya whatsoever, he just stayed down, without a sound.

"Oi, oi!" I knelt down and grabbed onto his hair until we were at eye level, "You can't die on me now," I grinned, "Especially since your precious _Shizu-chan_ is obediently waiting for you to get out of _rehab_."

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

I don't know the exact date when I'll be able to work with Izaya again. For the meantime, whenever I have time to slack off, I always find myself at the front of the asylum. I somehow resist the temptation to go inside the building and see Izaya. _Just a few more months_, I sigh. _Izaya, I wonder what you're doing..._

**After 3 Months:**

I'm in the middle of beating a guy up because of his overdue taxes and I suddenly feel my phone vibrate. I excuse myself from Tom-san and pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Shizuo-san?" It was Mr. K.

"Why are you calling?" I asked with a bit of hope.

"You're able to go back to the asylum and work with Izaya again!"

"Really?" I ask in surprise.

"Yup, you don't have to go through the backdoor and-"

"I'm going there now!" I cut him off and ended the call.

I run back to Tom-san and tell him that I have something urgent to do. He allows me to go and I start sprinting to the asylum.

I'm at the front door and I fix myself up before I go in. I redo my crooked tie and flattened down my vest. I comb my hair with my hands and take off my sunglasses. I take one step inside and I see Mr. K. already there to greet me.

"You don't need to worry about changing into your worker clothes, but I forgot to tell you-"

I don't bother listening to Mr. K. and I just start to run towards Izaya's room.

"W-Waiiit!" Mr. K.'s voice drowned in the hallways, but I still keep on running.

I stare quietly at the doorknob. I give myself a second and burst into the room.

"Izaya!"

Izaya turns around with a blank expression and nonchalantly asks, "Do I know you?"

"W-What do you mean?"

"I've never seen you before."

"I-I'm Heiwajima Shizuo," I introduced myself in panic.

"Hmmm, Heiwajima-san... Well, please to make your acquaintance," Izaya puts his hand out.

His emotions were neutral, I've never seen him like this before. Before I last saw him he was either really happy and upbeat or really sinister and deathly. I stare at him with disbelief and he tilts his head.

I see Mr. K. at the end of the hall, trying to catch up to me.

"I forgot to tell you," he says, catching his breath, "Orihara-san over here doesn't remember you."

"What happened?"

"You see, Orihara-san has amnesia."

I look at Izaya, then back at Mr. K.

My eyes widen._ This can't be happening. This is just a dream right?_


	6. Rewind

"Can you leave us alone for a while Mr. K?" I told him in a serious tone.

Mr. K notices the heavy atmosphere and begins taking his leave. I watch him close the door and I look at Izaya. I see him standing, his eyes were a bottomless, empty black pit. I felt them piercing through me, it was like there was no soul in him. Izaya still had his hand out and it pains me not to shake it. I grit my teeth in frustration.

"Do you-" My voice was shaking, "Do you really not remember me?"

"Not at all," Izaya pulls his hand back, "Have you seen me before?"

"Of course I did," I smile miserably, "I've taken care of you, but for some reason, you don't remember anymore."

"I see," Izaya sits walks to his bed and sits cross-legged, "Say, if it's not a bother, can you tell me the memories we've shared?"

A series of memories flash in my eyes and I hold back my tears. I sit beside him on the bed.

"...Alright..." My voice croaks out.

Hours have passed and I've just notice that it was now night time. I realized that there were so much things that have happened when I first met him. I left out parts such as the kiss or the nickname "Shizu-chan." I see no point in telling him about this part in our relationship, it's worthless to force him into a relationship like that right after he just lost his memories.

"So..." Izaya starts off, "I was this person with two different personalities, one was a bubbly, yet sarcastic person and the other was a psychotic killing machine?" He confirms.

"That's right."

He chuckles which surprises me for a moment because for the past hours or so, he hasn't shown any emotion of some sort.

"Is it really that funny?" I pat his head.

"Of course, it's refreshing to see you talk about me, you look so happy."

"I-Is that so?" I scratch my chin and slightly blush.

"I wonder what it's like to be in your shoes and see how you view the world," Izaya stares into my eyes.

"It probably isn't that exciting, I'm sometimes viewed as a monster to other people," I force out a smile.

Izaya stays quiet for a second, "Well then that's something we both have in common."

"Possibly..."

"What if..." Izaya stares out the window, "What if I had my memories? What if I remember everything I did with you? Would you still smile like before, would you smile in pain? But I've already became a completely different person. What if you don't accept who I am right now? Do you still want to see the old Izaya? Would you rather see someone who has emotions than this freak sitting beside you?"

I couldn't even find the answers to these questions that Izaya was desperately trying to ask. I see a tear roll down his cheek and he begins to cry quietly.

"W-Why do I feel so cold inside?" He looks straight at me, "Why do I feel so emp...ty...?"

Izaya breaks down into more tears and I pull him into an embrace.

"Just remember that I'm never going to leave you. I know that somewhere deep down inside of you, you still carry the memories we've shared. I won't give you up for the world," I hug him even tighter.

I walked back home after my shift ended, my t-shirt was still wet from Izaya's tears. I think back to what happened today.

Something wasn't right, Izaya can't possibly lose his memories. I still remember the file I read about him and there were no records on amnesia. There is a million in one chance for him to lose his memories after the breakdown. He's had so many breakdowns, but why would he lose his memories now? There were many unanswered questions that needed to be answered. And I'm planning to figure them out.

I go to work a bit early than usual to see if Izaya's ok after last night.

"Izaya," I knock on his door, "I'm coming in."

It seems as if he just finished dressing up. I see Izaya quickly pulling down on his long-sleeve shirt. I half expected him to blush, but what I didn't expect to see was his stomach area to be covered in bandages.

"Izaya what happened?!" I panicked.

"I-It's no big deal," he reassures me, but fails to make eye contact.

"It is a _big_ deal," I said in a stern voice.

"No it isn't-," Izaya waves me off, "I just...fell," he looks at me apologetically.

I feel unsure about this, but I let it slide.

"Hey, do you wanna eat outside?" I change the topic.

"You have food?" He asks emotionlessly, but there's a small spark in his eyes.

"Yeah, let's go," I motion him to come follow me.

"Wait!" He tugs on my sleeve.

"What is it?"

"Carry me," he spreads out his arms.

"E-Eh? Do you remember?" I ask in astonishment, I feel my heart tightening.

"Remember what?" He tilts his head, "I felt like trying this out for no reason."

I felt disappointed and mad at myself for getting my hopes up.

We go outside and sit on Izaya's bench. I led him near the tree which had the "I + S = 3" carving on. I lightly trace the carving on my finger.

"You did this you know?" I informed him.

"R-Really?!" Izaya looks at the carving in disbelief.

"It's the truth," I nodded.

Izaya goes closer to the tree and gazed at the carving. He goes through the tracing with his finger. I watch him more intently and I could tell that Izaya's eyes were staring off at the distance.

"L-Let's go eat," I try to lighten the mood.

We sit back down on the bench.

"Did you have breakfast yet?" I asked him.

"Yup, I had a light breakfast," he notified me.

"Then I guess it's ok for you to eat this," I take out a box.

"Hmm?" He looks at me with curiosity.

I opened the box which revealed a slice of strawberry cheesecake. At the corner of my eye, I could see Izaya's eyes twinkle with delight. Seeing him like that brings a smile on my face. Izaya cuts a small piece of cheesecake with his fork and brings it forward to my face.

"Open up wide Heiwajima-san," with a blank expression, Izaya opens up his mouth to demonstrate.

I felt like blushing, but I did what I was told to.

"A-Ahhh," I say in embarrassment.

He then _accidentally_ misses my mouth and brings it back to his mouth. He slowly eats the piece of cheesecake while staring at me with a smug face.

"Why you sly fox," I pinch his cheeks.

Once again, he does the unpredictable and starts to laugh. I begin to feel the heat against my cheeks.

"My apologies, my reflexes just told me to do that," Izaya shows a peace sign.

"Apologies my ass..." I growl at him.

"Well, I'm not too sure myself," he tilts his head and stares at me.

His eyes cast a spell on me and I couldn't bring myself to look away.

Izaya caresses my cheek, "It just feels... nostalgic..."

I stay quiet and Izaya lets his hand drop down from my cheek. We just looked at each other. Moments have passed and Izaya was the first to break the silence.

"...Sh...zu-chan..." He mumbles under his breath.

"E-Eh?!" My heart begins beating faster.

Intrigued, Izaya says it louder, "Shizu-chan..."

"Where did you h-hear that from?" I frantically ask.

"Not sure, it just came to me," he turns away and looks at the sky.

"W-What are you going to do with that n-name?" I stutter.

Still looking at the sky he continues, "Hey Heiwajima-san..." He turns and faces me, "Can I call you Shizu-chan?"


	7. Helpless

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

"Hey Heiwajima-san..." He turns and faces me, "Can I call you Shizu-chan?"

Speechless, I stared at Izaya wide-eyed.

"S-Sure..." My voice was coarse.

"B-But what made you think of that name all of a sudden?" I asked.

"I'm not... sure," Izaya looks at the ground.

_Of course he wouldn't know._ My heart dropped.

"Shizu-chan... Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan," Izaya kept repeating my nickname over and over again.

"What are you doing?" I cover his mouth.

"Whenever I say Shizu-chan, it makes me feel happy in the inside. If I say it over a hundred times, would I find eternal happiness?" He looks at me with such a serious face.

I start to laugh and he just stares at me, waiting for a response.

"Sorry," I calm down, "I don't think you can find _eternal_ happiness with my nickname, but if you really wanna be happy, then I'd be glad to help you," I tousle his hair.

Izaya stares at me without saying a word, his face then becomes redder and redder, "There's this warm fuzzy feeling inside me and I feel my face heating up, I must be... sick!"

"Idiot," I flick his forehead.

"Wha-Wha-What was that for?" His face becomes even redder.

"That sickness you've been talking about is called 'Emotions,' something you _should_ have," I explain.

"Emotions huh? Did I just discover a new disease?! Oh, and don't come near me, you might catch it," Izaya starts moving to the other side of the bench.

"It's not an actual disease!" I confirm, "Emotions are your feelings," I try to describe it as clear as possible, "It's something that you feel inside, you get it?"

He ponders for a while and then looks at me.

Izaya scratches his head and smiles at me, "I must've sounded stupid huh?"

"It's ok, you're cute when you sound stupid, either way, you're cute all the time," I gave him a thumbs up.

"S-Shizu-chan!" He whines, "Are you sure this isn't a disease? My face feels hot again!"

I start to laugh.

_This honest side of him isn't that bad._

_**(Unrevealed POV)**_

I watched them from the distance. I couldn't hear them from this far, but it looks like they were discussing something silly.

_Hmpf, play all you want Izaya, you're still mine. I'll show you that being imprisoned by me isn't that bad, first thing I have to do is frame Shizuo-san for some petty crime. Or maybe just play around with Izaya's feelings, either way, I couldn't care less. Izaya will always come back to me. _

I grin at myself.

_Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe I could toy around with Shizuo-san's feelings too. Hehehe, this is so fun thinking about it. Just imagine, seeing them look at me with a horrified look on their face. Ugh, I can't wait!_

I decided to interrupt their little snack time.

"Ah Orihara-san! We need to test you right now, Shizuo-san you can be excused for today," I smile at them with such innocence.

"Oh really? Be good Izaya," Shizuo-san stands up and ruffles Izaya's hair.

_Why doesn't Izaya look like that whenever I play with his hair? Whenever I do that, Izaya looks at me with utter disgust, but when Shizuo-san does it, he looks like the happiest child in the world. Am I doing something wrong?_

I wave back at Shizuo-san as he went. I turn around at Izaya and I see him flinch.

"Izaya go to your room, we'll start your test," I grin.

He looks at the ground and quietly says, "O-Ok..."

I sigh, "Isn't that a bit too quiet Izaaaaya?!" I ask him, while I gritted my teeth.

"Sorry, I'll be going now," Izaya quickly passes me.

I follow behind, but then an employee stops me.

"Ah! Where's Heiwajima? I just saw Izaya-san going into his room without Heiwajima," the female asks.

"Oh, I'm taking Orihara-san to do some testing, so I had him excused for today," I tell her.

"I see, makes sense, see you later," she goes off.

_Makes sense? What was that supposed to mean?! Are you accusing me of something? That bitch!_

I make my way to Izaya's room, "Izaaaaaaaayaaa," I say in amusement as I opened his door.

Izaya looks at me with a revolting face.

_Heh, can't blame that little brat._

"Hey, did you know that these wall are soundproof?" I knocked on the walls to show an example, "And if we put the blinds down low it'll be perfect. So you can scream as loud as you want for today," I caressed his cheek.

I close the blinds and look at him, "Take off your shirt," I commanded.

He follows my orders and I see his bandages and scars. I unravel his bandages around his stomach area.

"What are you-"

"Watching you being all smiles and friendly towards Shizuo-san makes me pissed, this is your punishment," I inspect his almost recovered wound.

I take out a scalpel from my pocket and poked the wound lightly, "How about we try and re-open one of your wounds, sounds like a plan, right?"

"M-Mr K! Why are you doing this?" Izaya asks me straight in the eye.

"Probably because it's fun, you should be grateful I chose you. Isn't it great to be treated differently from the rest? Wait, you're a monster, so I guess you're used to being treated like this."

"That's the different me! I-I'm not like that anymore!"

"Ehhh? Really? Say what you want, but that Izaya and the Izaya you are right now are the same, you just don't want to admit it. But believe me, considering the way you are right now, that half is going to consume your whole body up. You're helpless if you continue like this."

"I-Impossible!"

"Blah, blah, blah. But it's true. Now, shall we start?" I smile.

_**(Shizuo's POV)**_

"Izaya," I knock on his door, "I have some cookies for you today."

There was no response.

I open the door and I see him under his covers. _That's weird, by now he should be awake, especially since it's almost noon._

"Izaya?" I carefully shake him.

He starts to move and he pulls off his blanket.

"You're still in pajama's, do you want me to help you change?" I ask.

"N-No, it's ok, I feel like eating inside for today," Izaya gets off his bed.

I go to his desk and open the box full of cookies, "Are you sure you should be eating this right now?"

"Of course, sweets are my life," he walks over.

Suddenly, Izaya sways back and forth and drops to the ground.

"Izaya!" I scream in terror and kneel down to support him, almost making the box of cookies fall over.

I see Izaya clutching his stomach, "What happened?!"

"Sorry- Shizu-chan... but I'm... actually... pretty hungry, I feel like getting a strawberry parfait as we walk down the beach at sunset," Izaya tells me with a straight face.

"Talk about impossible," I helped Izaya get back on his feet, "The only thing I can promise you is the strawberry parfait though."

"Great, deliver it to me by tomorrow," he orders.

"You really don't joke about sweets don't you?" I sigh in defeat.

_**(Izaya's POV)**_

_Sorry Shizu-chan, the truth is, my wound on the stomach recently opened, I actually don't feel like eating anything today. In fact, I didn't wanna wake up at all today. I guess I can't tell you anything about what happened yesterday. I want to ask you for help, but I'm too afraid. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. I guess Mr. K. is right, I really am beyond helpless. _


	8. Game

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

I arrive earlier at the asylum today. I have to refrigerate the strawberry parfait to make sure it's still in tip top condition once Izaya gets it.

"Oh, good morning," I greet the cafeteria ladies.

They greet me back and I ask them if it was ok to refrigerate something. They say it's fine so I hand over the strawberry parfait.

"We'll keep an eye on this Heiwajima-san!" One of the younger ladies said.

I smile, "Thank you!"

I walk to Izaya's room to check on him. _He might be sleeping_, I remembered. _Well, this might be the only chance I get to see Izaya sleeping._ I take my time walking over to his room. There's this part of me hoping that he's awake. I want to spend more time with him to be honest. I finally get to his door and reach for the doorknob, but my hand starts to twitch.

I hear a faint whimper from inside the room.

I hear grunts and groans.

I hear the bed creaking.

He wasn't alone, that demon was with him.

My hand froze- no- my whole body froze.

I almost forgot that this was just a game. I almost forgot that Izaya was being raped and tortured. I was this close to being submerged into the fact that the asylum was just an enchanted place that brought me and Izaya together.

Yet there was a darker side to this asylum...

If I strained hard enough, I could hear Izaya crying out. It was like he was reaching out to me.

I placed my hand on the doorknob, but hesitated to open it. I couldn't bring myself to open it, not just yet. Several events must happen before I can confront Izaya. _If I mess up the order, Izaya could... no! It won't be like last time!_ But for now, I have to be ignorant of Mr. K.'s actions.

I pull back my hand and continue walking to end of the hallway.

_One more month, just... one more. If all goes well, then maybe- maybe..._

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

"Ahh, what a waste, my brand new uniform is dirty..." Mr. K. holds his blazer up.

"Good... it doesn't fit you anyways," I hold my breath.

"Haah! What did you say you bitch?" He grabs my hair, "Tch, going for another round is pointless now, say goodbye to today's meal. You won't be eating today."

And with that, he leaves my room. I lie back down on my bed, without bothering to put my clothes on.

I lay there, naked, bruised, scarred.

"Izaya!" Shizu-chan barges into my room.

I was distracted by a squirrel just outside my window that I don't even bother to turn around.

"Izaya," Shizu-chan says my name again, but instead, he lightly bites the tip on my ear.

He surely got my attention, "Wha- Wha-What is i-it?!"

"I got permission to go up the rooftop with you," he holds up a key.

"Really?" I ask, a bit intrigued.

He nods, "Mhmm, too bad you're room isn't on the third floor or something, the view would be beautiful up there."

"But I can't the people on the first floor are the people that have to be specially looked after for, I just happen to be one of them, " I bluntly explain.

"Ah- y-yea..." Shizu-chan awkwardly laughs.

"I would like that strawberry parfait though..."

"Oh! Great idea! Did you have breakfast yet? If you're done, you can eat the parfait up on the roof-"

"Uh... yea..." I force myself to smile.

"You already ate breakfast?" Shizu-chan asks, a bit unsure.

"Yup."

"You look thinner this week," he holds my wrist.

"Really, just your imagination, let's go."

"Alright," he sighs.

We walk up to the rooftop. There was no elevator in this asylum, mainly because of my breakdowns. In my hand, I held the key that lead to the roof. Shizu-chan on the other hand, held the parfait to make sure I don't start eating it on the way to the top.

I open the door and the sunlight starts pouring out, I close one eye and turn my head to the side. I finally get used to the sunlight and I step forward.

"Uwaaah, the breeze up here feels so nice," I close my eyes again.

Shizu-chan starts laughing, "Look at you! Haha, you look so cute.

"N-No I don't-"

"Orihara-san, Orihara-saaan!" It was Mr K.

Mr. K. finally gets to the last step and looks for me, once he spotted me, his face lights up.

"Orihara-san I've been looking for y-" As Mr. K. runs to me, he didn't realize that Shizu-chan was near the door and bumps into him.

_On purpose._

The parfait falls to the ground and scatters everywhere.

"Ah- AHH! S-Sorry Heiwajima-san!"

"U-Uh..."

"You know what? To pay you back, ask the cafeteria ladies any dessert you want and tell them it's on me, ok?" Mr. K. bows at Shizu-chan over and over again.

Shizu-chan nods, a bit dazed from what happened. He starts to go down to the cafeteria, which meant that Mr. K. and I were alone on the roof.

"Oi!" Mr. K. shouts at me, "Pick the parfait up!"

Without arguing, I kneel on the ground and start to pick up the remains. Mr. K. suddenly presses his shoe on the back of my head and forcefully pushes my head down.

Mr. K. starts to grin, "Actually, I change my mind, eat it off the ground. It's such a waste of food. So eat it, like the _dog_ you are."

I try to sit up, but the force on Mr. K.'s foot was too strong. The door starts to open and Mr. K. suddenly takes his foot off and pretends to help me off the ground.

"O-Orihara-san?!" Mr. K. pretends to panic.

"What happened?" Shizu-chan asks.

"He fell onto the parfait, how careless of me."

"_I'm_ his caretaker, I'll clean him up."

"How reliable, well I'll be off then," Mr. K. goes through the door.

I rub my head to make sure that I had no bump.

"Izaya, you ok?" Shizu-chan puts the dessert down and takes a look at me.

"Yea, I'm more interested in the dessert," I casually point at it.

"Of course you are," he pats my head.

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

_Good, no bump on his head, haaah, I really hate myself._

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

"Tsk, why did he have to get in the way..." Mr. K. starts to undress.

I walk to the other corner of my room, "Didn't we already do it this morning?"

"But I simply asked you not to eat today, and what did you do?"

I stay quiet.

"Exactly, now strip," Mr. K. orders.

"Ahh, so disappointing, I'll just bring my toys tomorrow!" Mr. K. starts to leave.

Once the door closes, I start to scream. I'm too shaken up to even cry. No matter how loud I scream, nobody can hear me. I'm screaming, my mind is screaming, my body is screaming. I scream, even though my throat starts to get raspy.

After all the screaming, I couldn't make a sound.

_Why is it me?! It's painful! I hate it!_

_AHHHHHHHHH! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! IT HURTS!_


	9. World

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

Every time I see I Izaya he keeps on getting paler and paler. And today he didn't even mutter a single word to me or to anyone. He just sat on the corner of his bed and hugged his knees. Right now, I'm getting some juice for Izaya, although he might not even accept it.

Before I go back to Izaya's room, I take a detour to Mr. K's office. It's time to play the dense guy and discuss about Izaya with Mr. K.

"Mr. K?" I knock on his door, "You in here?"

Mr. K. opens the door, "Oh Heiwajima-san! Welcome, take a seat."

I sat on a chair that was nearest to the exit, "Can we talk about Izaya?"

"Sure," Mr. K. closes the door and sits on his office chair.

"Um, doesn't he seem paler to you?"

"Eh? He does?" Mr. K. acts surprised.

_You fucking piece of shit-_

"I'm sure about it, does he get enough food to eat?" I contain my anger.

"Of course, I always make sure that Orihara-san gets enough to eat." For a brief second I saw him smirk.

_You two-faced cunt- _

"Oh and I wonder if he'll ever get his memory back, is it temporary amnesia or permanent amnesia?" I gritted my teeth.

_Or is it actually brainwash?_

"Let's hope that it's not permanent, should I help Orihara-san too? I mean, for only one person to look after him, I know he's a troublemaker, but give him a chance." Mr. K. pretends to show sympathy for Izaya.

_Geez, you talk like I've already given up on him..._

"It's ok, your help won't be needed, I can handle it!" I smile like it's nothing, "Actually, I have to go back now, thanks for the talk." I start to walk out.

"Alright, have fun!" Mr. K. says in a low tone.

"I feel like there was a few words missing to that," I shifted my head at him.

"Hm?" Mr. K. tilts his head.

I give him a sly grin, "I think you meant to say: Have fun, _while you can_."

Mr. K. sat there, speechless.

"Right?" I confirmed.

"Haha... Heiwajima-san you sure are funny..." Mr. K. breaks out in a sweat.

_Bingo._

Once I close his door, I slam the side of my fist on the wall. _Dammit! I let my anger get the best of me._

**_(Mr. K's POV)_**

_Shit... Shit, shit, shit! That fuckhead Shizuo! _

I start to throw things off my desk and onto the floor.

_How did he figure me out!? Ahh, it'll all end soon, no worries._

I sit back on my chair and stare at the mess on the ground.

_Nooooo worries..._

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

A shiver went down my spine. _What's happening?!_ Just then, Shizu-chan walks in and smiles. His smile could melt me away if I weren't stuck in this depressing situation. I hug my knees tighter but loosen my grip soon after. I was so weak that I couldn't even hold onto myself.

"I got you some juice," Shizu-chan hands me a juice box.

I slowly reach for it but I pull back afterwards. I was too scared to drink, eat, or talk. _How pathetic of me._ I hid my face between my arms. Shizu-chan suddenly sat on the bed beside me.

Shizu-chan sighs and opens the juice box, "Sorry, you can hit me later."

He started to drink the juice but held the remaining liquid inside his mouth. He gazed at me and I shot up. Shizu-chan beamed and went up to me.

"H-Hold on-" My voice was hoarse.

Shizu-chan didn't listen and pressed his lips onto mine. He transferred the juice into my mouth, leaving me no choice but to swallow it.

"I-Idiot!" I covered my blushing face.

"All better?" He ruffles my hair.

I was left astonished, "C-Can I have a hug...?"

"You can have whatever you want," Shizu-chan extended his arms out.

I dragged myself closer to him and wrapped my arms around his chest. Oh how I craved warmth, more importantly, I desired for Shizu-chan.

"When was the last time you did something like this?" He hugged back.

**_(Shizuo's POV) _**

"Izaya, I'm here," I open his door.

Izaya was still sleeping. _Hmm, so Mr. K. didn't even bother to try and do something to Izaya this morning. Serves him right! _I sat on his bed and started to comb through his hair with my fingers. I spotted something on the back of his neck that I shouldn't have. _What's this?_ It was a hickey. _Oh_, so something did happen last night. I should've known, Mr. K. was near Izaya's room once my shift ended. _Damn that sneaky rat._

"Mmm," Izaya opens one eye.

"Did I wake you up?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "I had a dream."

"What kind?"

"About my previous self, you know, when I didn't have amnesia," Izaya says sleepily.

"Um- Do you mind telling me?" I ask, my voice wavering.

Izaya stays quiet.

"Uh! Actually, you don't have to-"

He shakes his head again, "I don't mind."

"O-Ok..." I let my voice trail off.

Izaya closes his eyes and starts off, "Do you ever wonder what my old self felt during a breakdown? Well, I did, and I got my answer."

"How was it?" I continued to brush through his hair.

"It's like being in my own little world. The feeling of enragement, despair, hate, and agony lingering around in the air. But don't forget about _love_, love was the only thing that told me to keep on going. To not give up! " Izaya opens his eyes.

"But in my world, love was only a _petty_ little feeling. So I let all my other emotions swallow me up instead. But even if that happens, I don't scream for help, I don't even try, _I just... don't care_. I'm-" Izaya started to hesitate.

"I'm _(not)_ okay with this. I knew immediately that my happiness isn't worth fighting for. So in return for my demoralized state, I let something switch inside of me. _Oh, I know! _I'll just remove any unnecessary emotions. I just need to let myself go through all the pain. But even better, I'll let my mind devour it." Izaya closes his eyes again.

"Because when my mind consumes the pain. I find myself the most relaxed at that state. You can even be relaxed enough to kill, to fight, or to gouge someone's eye out. But then that's when I realize..."

Izaya was trembling.

"... I'm in my own little _world_ again..."


	10. Rain

**_(Shizuo's POV) _**

"I-Izaya..." I try to stop him from talking.

"Hm? What is it?" Izaya asks, looking perfectly normal.

I play around with his hair, not sure what to talk about.

"Um, what would-" I look into his eyes, "What would you do if I died?"

Izaya suddenly shoots up from his bed, "No! You can't?" He was already in the verge of tears.

"I'm not going to die," I assured him, "Just... what if?"

Izaya relaxes his tensed body, "Then what's the point of living?"

"Well, the point of living-"

"It was a rhetorical question!" He interrupted, "Because if you died then what's the point of my life without you?!"

I couldn't go further into this topic, "I'm going to get you breakfast now."

Izaya grabs onto my arm, "I'm not hungry."

"Well you need to have some energy to do things and food is just the right answer," I pat his head.

He shakes my hand away from his head, "I don't need it."

"Yes you do."

"No..."

"You have to eat."

"No!"

I put my hand on his shoulder, "Yes."

"N-No!" Izaya smacks my hand away, "J-Just leave me alone!"

I didn't know what to say, so I just left his room. I didn't leave the asylum, just his room.

I go to Izaya's door, holding a cup of yogurt. I put it down and place a plastic spoon on top of it. I knock on his door and hide at the corner of the hallway. Izaya opens his door and looks left and right, then at the ground. He kneels down and examines the yogurt. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally picks it up and closed his door. I go in front of his room and knock once more.

I hear Izaya shuffling to get the door, but I started to talk before he could open it, "You don't have to answer, just hear me out."

There was silence.

"Whatever you do, just eat something," I leaned on his door.

"I- I'm not eating!" Izaya stutters, but from the inside, I could already hear him tearing open the lid.

I smile, "I'm going to leave early today."

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

I didn't want him to leave, I truly didn't. I never had a fight with Shizu-chan either, but when we were discussing about food and shit, it was just a really touchy subject for me. I don't even know why I got pissed off.

I finished eating the yogurt and decided to keep the empty container of yogurt on my desk. Just to keep me through the day.

I look through my window and see patients and workers side by side with each other. Pretending that they liked to talk with one another. _What a bunch on fakes. Bet you don't have somebody coming into your room to rape and torture you every day. Right? Right?_

Gosh, I loathe them, but even more, I loathed myself. I hated myself because I still had the courage to envy other patients. For wanting what they have, I still had desires. It shows me that I'm just one step away from being a monster. I still had feelings, meaning that I was still human. But what is human? Nobody in the whole world could answer that, even science won't provide you the right answer.

I began to laugh at them from my window. _What pitiful souls._

Since I had very little energy, I took a nap. The only two things I could do was sleep and breathe. Talking also became a challenge for me. It took all of my energy to even sprout a word. But I save all that energy to keep up a conversation with Shizu-chan.

I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. I began to sleep again, but my door opens loudly. It was already 11 o'clock PM, curfew around here was 9 o'clock PM. _Unless..._

"Wakey wakey!" Mr. K. talks like a baby and closes the door behind him.

I sigh quietly. _It's this bitch again._ I pretended to sleep, but opened one eye to see what he was doing. He walks up to my desk and notices the empty yogurt cup Shizu-chan gave to me.

"What trash is lying around in your room? The only trash in here should be you!" He throws the yogurt cup onto the floor and squishes it under the sole of his shoe.

"NO!" I screeched and tackled him onto the ground.

My eyes were wide awake. My blood was rushing. I was angry- No, I was furious!

"What the-"

"You fucking idiot! Why would you do that?! Are you seriously ill?!" I was strangling his neck, "Let's get you some help!"

Mr. K. wasn't getting much air, but why do I care? He tried to reach for my arms, but I only squeezed tighter.

"You!" He pushed me away.

Between the both of us, I wasn't much stronger than him, not in this shape. I jumped on his back as he gasped for air. I was digging my nails into his cheeks, and threw his glasses on the floor, hard enough so it would crack.

"How do you like that now? Having your things get broken, huh?" I yelled.

I held onto the small patch of hair he had on his head as he tried to shake me off. My grip was firm, but Mr. K. tried to crush me on the wall. I finally let go and fell onto the ground. He clutched onto my shirt and repeatedly punched my right eye until it was swollen.

Luckily, he was unfit for doing any sort of physical activity for a long time. So he let go of me and leaned on the wall for his lack of stamina.

"Dammit, my mood is ruined thanks to you!" He grumbled.

"Good!" I retorted.

"You monster!" He kicked me in the stomach.

I lay on the floor, silent, not knowing what to do. He noticed my silence and started to kicked me over and over again.

"Why aren't you showing any reaction?!" He shouted in frustration.

"You already said it yourself, I'm a monster!" I started to laugh, "I don't feel pain anymore!" I looked at him in the eye and he showed fear.

"Tch, I-I'm going! T-This is a waste of time." Mr. K. runs out of my room, leaving my door wide open.

I get up and look at the opened door.

"What a bad idea M. K." I was talking to myself, "These doors are automatically locked from the outside of my room when it's curfew, the only way for it to be opened is for someone to open it from the outside, but look at this, it's opened all the way, what a very very bad idea."

I touch my swollen eye, but I don't flinch. I really couldn't feel pain. My hands are ice cold, but I felt warm for some reason. All I knew was that I had my strength back.

_And my memories..._

But I'm not stopping here! I go under my bed and take out the 10 gallons of gasoline I looted a while back ago.

"Now, now, where's my matches," I looked around, "Oh, there it is!" I picked it up and tucked it in the back of my waistband.

I sneak into the cafeteria and took one of the carts they used to gather the dirty dishes. I went back to my room and loaded the 10 gallons of gasoline on the cart.

I look around my room and from my window, rain starts to fall. _What a perfect day!_ I take one of the jugs and open it, I started to spill the gasoline on my floor. I made a trail of gasoline as I rolled the cart out of my room.

I go left and poured the liquid all over place, humming the song "Rain, Rain, Go Away." I swayed back and forth, plastering a huge smile on my face. Portraying that I was happy.

But in reality I was dying inside.

After a while, the gasoline had made its way to the top floor and back. It was time to light it up. I light up a match and throw it in the liquid. I watched it spread from left to right. I look outside and noticed that it was still raining.

I started to sing in a calm, but eerie voice.

"Rain, rain.

Go away.

Come again.

Another.

Day..."


	11. Save

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

I skip along and hum a tone as people start to fled from terror. Their shouts of agony rings in my ear.

_How wonderful!_

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

I get a text from Mr. K. at 1 in the morning.

Mr. K: There's been a fire.

I slip on my pants and I don't even bother to button up my shirt all the way. I start running. Running to save Izaya.

I see the asylum in the distance. It was glowing in orange. I open the entrance and see Mr. K. pacing around. It was complete chaos in the inside. Patients struggled to get out of the building and workers who stayed late at night were trying to put out the fire, but had no luck. I quickly run up to him and he notices me.

"What happened?" I asked, it was hard to talk over the screams and shouts.

"Fucking Izaya... I-I mean, Orihara-san is on another breakdown!" Mr. K. tries to cover up what he accidently said.

Although I already knew what was happening, I still had to ask someone because it'd look suspicious if I came in here without questioning a few things. Right now, I have some choices.

"Did you call the firefighters?" I ask.

"Yeah, it'll take a while." Mr. K. points at a worker talking on the phone.

I know that this building is pretty old. There was about 1 or 2 sprinklers installed on each floor, but it won't be enough to stop the fire. I need to do something.

"Mr. K. can you find Izaya?" I look at him.

He nods, not sure of what I had in plan.

Mr. K. takes off, _ok_, this will buy Izaya some time to do what he was holding back on all along. I start taking charge of what was happening.

"Make sure that everyone from every room gets out, and you!" I point at a worker, "Take a head count for each person!"

The worker nods and starts leading people out. Other workers look at each other and start doing the same. I bust open each exit and help out the disabled patients. Everyone got out of the burning building and they huddled up at the parking lot. I take a quick look at them, they had minor burns, but nothing fatal. Once I'm convinced that everything will be alright out here, I start to make my way back in.

"Heiwajima-san!" A male worker calls out to me, "What are you doing?"

"I have to go back for something, don't worry about me!" I yell back.

"Gosh, you look so heroic!" He shakes his head.

"Trust me, I'm not heroic..."

The worker cups his hand on his ear, gesturing that he couldn't hear me.

"Don't worry about it!" I run inside the building.

I look around, actually, I don't need to. I already know where they are. I go up to the rooftop, the one place that hasn't been plagued with fire. I open the door and I see Izaya and Mr. K.

_Mr. K. is still... What the-? I thought I would've missed it by now. _

"Izaya!" I shouted.

He looks at me and begins to laugh, "Shizu-chan you should look at yourself!"

I look down, the ends of my shirt was burnt off, my face was smeared in ashes and I was soaked in water.

"Look, look, Shizu-chan!" Izaya points at his head, "I have my memories back!"

This was definitely Izaya. The same playful tone in his voice and the same hollow smile plastered on his face. The only thing different is that his eyes were filled with a bottomless pit of darkness.

"H-Heiwajima-san you have to help me!" Mr. K. cries out in fear.

"What?" I questioned him.

"It's Orihara-san!" Mr. K. goes on his knees, tear streaming down his face.

"Oh drop the act!" Izaya growls at him, "Now that I have my memories back, I know exactly why I lost my them."

"Stop it Orihara-san!-" Mr. K. begs Izaya.

"Get up!" Izaya orders him.

Mr. K. shot up.

"Walk with me," Izaya started to walk on the ledge and Mr. K. followed him.

"This is dangerous..." Mr. K. looks to his left.

"You see," Izaya sharply turns around and faces Mr. K. "Why did I lose my memories? Oh yeah! I remember!"

Mr. K. flinches, shaking from head to toe.

"You..." Izaya points at Mr. K. "You pushed me."

"I-I didn't!" Mr. K. says defensively.

"Yes you did, remember, the stairs on the top floor, you pushed me there!" Izaya explains it to him in the clearest terms, "Now... What. Should. I. Do?" Izaya goes closer to Mr. K.

"T-This is d-dangerous! We're on the ledge right now. This is the roof!" Mr. K. tries to make an excuse.

"How about if I..." Izaya pretends to gasp and points at the ground that was roughly 50 feet below us.

"W-Wait! Izaya-san you can't be doing this! I-I might d-die!" Mr. K. stutters in horror.

Izaya stays quiet for a second and then looks at Mr. K. in the eyes. Izaya slowly walks to him and Mr. K. tries to back away, only to be stopped at the corner.

With every step, Izaya's grin was getting wider and wider until they were face to face.

Izaya puts his hand on Mr. K's chest. "Then _die_."

He pushes Mr. K. off the building. I could hear Mr. K. screaming to his death. Izaya doesn't even bother to watch Mr. K. fall to the ground. Izaya walks over to me, without a hint of emotions. I hear the splat of Mr. K's body and I couldn't help but wince at the sound.

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

I look at my hands, they were stained with blood, Mr. K's blood to be precise. _I finally did it._ I ended his life. And his blood will forever be on me. But why should I care? I felt no guilt, I felt nothing towards him. Not even hatred. Why? Because he's nothing to me. _Nothing!_

...

But when I look at Shizu-chan, why do I feel like crying? I want to cry! Did I miss him that much? Sure I was in my whole body all along, but it was like another mind was controlling it. It's scary! I'm scared! I want to be held by Shizu-chan, to feel his warmth all over again. I was cold.

No matter how hard I tried to be human, I always turn back into a monster. But with Shizu-chan by my side, then I won't mind being a monster. If he accepts me then I'll be ok.

A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

"Izaya are you ok?" Shizu-chan tilts his head.

_I don't know what it's like to be ok anymore._

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

"Yeah I'm fine," Izaya held out his hand, "Let's go, Shizu-chan!" Izaya gives me a full, but at the same time, an empty smile.

_This should've been the happy ending._

_But it's not over yet. _

_It'll only be over when one of us... dies._


	12. End

**2 Weeks Later:**

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

Izaya and the other patients at the burnt down asylum have been transferred to an abandoned asylum down north. The abandoned asylum is even farther away from the city, it's as isolated as ever.

By the time the police got to the scene to track down whoever was responsible for starting the fire, all the cameras have been smashed. Props to Izaya and me for smashing every camera's lenses with a baseball bat. Since the police had no concrete evidence to arrest the most reasonable suspect, which was Izaya, he was off the hook. And for Mr. K's death, Izaya convincingly lied to the police about his death being a so called _"accident."_

After the patients settled down in the other asylum, Izaya invited me to go see the remains of the old asylum. And so, here we are...

"Waah~" Izaya exclaimed, "The asylum looks way better like this!"

I took a good, long look at the asylum. Windows were shattered, ash was everywhere, and even the door to the entrance was missing. We walk around the exterior and I can see Mr. K's now stained blood smeared on the ground. We make a loop around the asylum until we were back at the start.

"Wanna go in?" I suggested.

"Sure!" Izaya ran in.

I follow him and we make it to the courtyard. Izaya stops at a tree and stares at something. Half of the tree was burnt off and the other half was barely standing.

"Look!" Izaya traces the carving, "_I + S_, remember that?"

"Of course I do," I went over to him.

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

I step back so Shizu-chan can look at the carving. I stood up straighter and took a deep breath. The air smells fresher without the stench of other people.

_Hey._

Who was that?!

_I'm talking to you stupid._

Who are you?

_What are you talking about? Did you already forget me? I'm Izaya._

As in...

_Yup! The one who guides you through your breakdowns!_

Get out of my mind!

_Haha, even if I wanted to, I'll be stuck with you forever._

Get out!

_I just wanted to remind you about something!_

...What?

_You'll be having a breakdown soon!_

...

_Don't worry! I'll be the one physically and mentally controlling your body! But your soul gets to stay and watch the whole thing!_

Leave!

_Hmm, I'll give you a few seconds._

My chest suddenly feels a lot lighter, it's like the other _me_ left. I look at my hand, it was trembling, I glance over at Shizu-chan. _I'm scared._ What's going to happen to me?

"S-Shizu-chan!" My voice croaks out.

_!_ I felt like there was something in the waistband of my pants. I traced the outline of the item with my hand... It was- _! _I clutch onto my shirt. It was getting harder to breathe. My chest feels tight and I feel like my lungs would explode any minute. My throat was dry, I tried to cough it out, but after every cough my throat just kept getting worse and worse. My vision is blurring, I want to black out, but even though I'm mentally ready to black out, my body won't let me.

It's time.

The other _me_ is in control.

**_(Shizuo's POV)_**

"What is it?" I ask.

There was no response from Izaya. He was kneeling on the ground.

"Izaya?" I knelt down beside him.

Izaya suddenly stands up, still gripping onto the side of his chest. He looks up at the sky and lets his arm drop.

"Iza-!" He pushes me onto the ground.

Izaya's eyes were soulless yet they were burning with fire. It's not _him_ anymore.

_It's staring, it'll be the same old conversation, the same old voice in his tone, the same old __**Izaya**__. Now it all depends on how I answer his questions. One mistake and I lose._

**_(Izaya's POV)_**

"Hey Shizuo, isn't life like a game?" I start to ask him.

"Hmm? Yeah I guess, I mean I treat life like a game." He shrugs.

"Ehh?" I drowned the sound of my voice, "So you confirmed it right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Hey Shizuo, you said you treated life like a game right? Right?" I tilt my head.

"Yeah... Like 2 seconds ago, what about it?-"

"So it's ok if I do this right?" I cocked a gun straight to his forehead.

_My head was empty. All of my emotions for him, they were forcibly thrown out. I don't know what I'm doing. I try to control my own body, but it's no use. What am I supposed to do?_

"-Hey wait! Where's you get that?!" He raises his voice.

"If you treat life like a game then you should be able to revive right? You should be able to restart the level right?" Izaya looks at me straight in the eyes with a wide grin.

"Tch..." He smiles, "You really did turn into a _monster_."

"Insanity is good, it keeps me sane." I place my finger on the trigger.

He closes his eyes.

_Aha! I was gradually gaining control of my body. Will I make it in time?_

"Hey _Shizu-chan_..." I grit my teeth, "Game over."

...

**_(Shizuo's POV at the same time)_**

_Ahh, looks like Izaya finally cracked._

"You really did turn into a _monster_." It hurts to smile but I did anyways.

"Insanity is good, it keeps me sane." He begins.

_Of course it's good, I knew it all along._

Izaya grits his teeth.

_Yes, hate me. Hate me forever._

I look at him once more in the eyes and I close my own.

_Looks like I couldn't save you huh? You've lost it, but it's ok... So are we going to end this never-ending cycle once and for all? Hey Izaya, you know that I love you right? I love your childish ways, I love the smirk you put on that I could never hack off your face. I love your darker personality too. I love how incomplete you are, and I especially love how you were able to accept me, the me who's been playing with your emotions over and over again. Gosh I'm such a coward, I can't even say this out loud to your face..._

_Izaya, I love you._

Izaya clears his throat, "Hey _Shizu-chan_, game over."

My eyes were fully shut.

**BANG!**

.

.

.

.

.

I don't feel pain.

I open one eye, then the other. Izaya lays on the ground motionless. What caught my eye was the hole in his head. Blood slowly streams out of his forehead and I crawled over to him. I cringe at the sight and pick him up.

_You didn't have to- NO! You can't die!_

Tears start to flood through and my vision becomes hazy.

_Why can't you just kill me? This is going on for too long. This is the same outcome every single time. No matter how many times I try to change the ending, it always stay the same!_

One by one, everything starts to disappear. The asylum, the sky, and then the world. We were in a black space of emptiness. The only thing left was Izaya and me.

I suddenly burst out, "Of course my life has been a whole game!" My voice echoed in the vast space. "No matter what I do I can never make it!" I scream at Izaya as if he were still alive.

Just then, something appears, it's the same 7 letter word that I've came across too many times that I've lost count. The RESTART button flashes in red and I stare at it.

I look down at Izaya who was still in my arms.

_Maybe this time I can save you._

I lightly touch the button with my fingertips and paused for a second.

_No- This time... I'll definitely save you!_

I press the button

I stood at the entrance of the asylum, I go in and the same scene happens. I get assigned to Orihara Izaya, the infamous patient around here. I go into his room and Mr. K. introduces me to him. Mr. K. leaves us so we can spend the time getting to know each other. Once we were alone, I walked up to him.

"Hello Orihara-san, I'm Heiwajima Shizuo," I held out my hand to Izaya.

"Hmm..." He scratches his chin, "Sh-Shi-Shi- Ah! I got it! It'll be Shizu!" He snaps.

"Eh?" I leaned closer to him.

"I'll call you Shizu-chan!" He grins.

"So what do I call you?" I sigh.

"Easy!" He points at himself, "Just call me Izaya."

**~END~**

**[A/N: **So if you found yourself confused at the end, you may wanna read this.

Alright so Shizuo has been living in a "game" I guess. He's gone over the same thing for countless of times, but still gets the same ending (which is Izaya dying). So in hopes, every time he gets to the ending of the "game" Shizuo hopes that Izaya is willing enough to kill him, and if Shizuo dies, then the "game" is done. Meaning he didn't get the bad end where Izaya dies. Unfortunately, in the last few sentences in Izaya's POV, Izaya mentions that he's slowly regaining control over his body. Just to be clear the "other" Izaya that controls him through breakdowns wants to kill Shizuo. But the real Izaya loves Shizuo too much that he would sacrifice his own life. Therefore Shizuo ends up with the same ending over and over again. Hope this clears up your confusion!**]**


	13. A Christmas Spin-Off

**[A/N: PLEASE READ! **This takes place in one of the many worlds that Shizuo has been through. This time, they make it around Christmas week. Keep in mind that Izaya still has his amnesia! This may be poorly edited because I'm writing this one on my phone. And before you ask, NO! I cannot write full on hardcore smut! Just let your imagination run by...**] **

I flipped through a magazine catalogue at the side of Izaya's bed as Izaya's head rested on my thigh.

Mr. K. left for a meeting that'll take about 2 weeks. He never actually put anyone in charge, he just said to stick with the usual schedule. Now that I think about it, it was probably an urgent matter. Mr. K. rarely left this place unattended. He was pretty much devoted to Izaya's torture.

I clap my hands together and silently thanked that the bitch was gone.

I tousled Izaya's hair to get his attention, "Is there anything you want for Christmas?"

Izaya stays quiet for a while, but finally answers, "All I need is _you_."

I almost fell out of the bed because of that answer.

"Anything wrong?" Izaya sat straight up, completely unfazed by my reaction.

"D-Don't you think that I won't suffice?" I scratch my chin.

"You're plenty enough!" He smiled.

_Fuck! How could he fucking smile in a situation where he's being tortured?! Him smiling these days was rare! Shiiiiiit! My heart's gonna be jumping out of my chest if I don't get control over myself._

I pat his head, "I feel like I should do more for you."

"Haaah, you really do like touching my hair, hmmm, why?" He sticks out his tongue.

I leaned in closer and kissed him, a bit more intense than Izaya could handle. I pulled back before we could really get into it.

"Because you're cute."

This time it was Izaya's turn to blush, "U-Using your tongue is totally unfair." He pouts.

"I don't know what's gotten into me, maybe it's because no one's here to interrupt us," I caressed his cheek.

"The door's lock you know," Izaya moves in closer.

"Was that your idea of an invitation?" I reached for the inside of his shirt.

"Of course it was, idiot!"

I was greeted by the blinding light of the morning sun peeking through the shades. I turn around to see that Izaya was rubbing his eyes.

"Morning." I stretched my arms out and yawned.

"D-Don't you think that going non-stop is pretty tiring?! No? Cuz I fucking do!" Izaya complained.

I chuckled, "Really? I thought it was pretty damn hot." I fantasized about last night. "Seeing your face covered in red and your sweat dripping from your face as I..."

Izaya whines and covers himself up with a blanket. After some time, I finally got Izaya to let go of the blanket. I got a clear view of what he was wearing. He was wearing boxers and my dress shirt, which was unbuttoned in any sexy way possible.

_Shit_, this turned me on.

"Take responsibility!" I ducked from Izaya's gaze.

"What? Why?" Izaya tries to look at me in the eyes.

"It's hard..." My face was inches from Izaya's face.

"You fucker!" His face was red, "Don't randomly say that!" He tries to hide his blushing face.

"Hey." I grab hold of both his arms and pinned him down on the bed.

He was flustered, "Ah- Wait! Shizu-"

"-Just one round."

"...Tch, why am I agreeing to this?!" Izaya growls.

"Sorry, but unfortunately your usual cold and calm demeanour doesn't work in bed." I ran my fingers across his chest.

"Shut up!" He sighs, "Do it quick! I wanna make it in time for breakfast."

"UGH! My frickin hips hurt!" Izaya nags at me as he ate his oatmeal.

"Eh?! Really?" I ask Izaya from across the table.

"If you haven't noticed yet, I'm fucking fragile!" Izaya shoves his index finger on my cheek.

I realized that the whole place seemed a bit more lively today. Like the tension seemed to die down.

"I'm going back for seconds," Izaya stands up and picks up his tray.

"I thought your hips hurt..." I told him.

"Duh, it hurts like hell, but I'm sacrificing my lower body for seconds." Izaya hopped towards the line.

I watched him from afar. Hmmm, so Christmas Eve could look as peaceful as this...

I had to leave the asylum to make a quick stop at a store for a definitely _overpriced stuffed cat_. But it's worth it because it's for Izaya.

By the time I got back, it was already midnight. I hope he's still awake. I go inside his room but he wasn't there. I felt sick to the stomach.

My heart starts racing. _Where was he? _I ran around the asylum, shouting his name. No luck. The last place to look for him was at the roof.

By the time I got to the door that opened to the rooftop, I was hyperventilating. Everything was turning black. Where was my Izaya?

I opened the door.

Izaya was playing around with a firecracker, "Oh! Shizu-chan, Merry-"

I shook him so hard that he let go of the firecracker, "Don't you dare leave my fucking side again, I'll fucking kill you!"

_Was I always this possessive? How badly did I need Izaya?_

My breathing started to go steady and I released Izaya from my tight grasp.

He was caught off guard with my sudden burst of emotions. But all he did was smile, posing a challenge in his eyes. He walked closer to me and wrapped his arms around the back of my neck. Izaya gave me a loop-sided smile before whispering something into my ear.

"Kill me."


End file.
